For me and a few others, Urbana12 is the end of an amazing story that started over a year ago.

My Urbana12 story starts in the fall of 2011, when I began to talk to Alison about being on the performing arts team. As we talked, I remembered what Urbana09 was like: the joy of being part of an authentic artist community seeking Jesus, the terror in doing something that I had never done before (acting), and the hard work that comes in making good art.

And here it was again, a chance to grow as a disciple-artist of Jesus, in the company of some of my favorite people. How could I say no?

And then it begun. I felt the nervousness that comes in the beginning of making community. I felt the joy in my heart of meeting Jesus in the scriptures. And the work…well, to put it plainly, my musicianship, professionalism, and collaborative skills would be tested like they’ve never been.

By the fall of 2012, it was pretty clear: God is still teaching me how to be an artist in His Kingdom, and I have a long way to go.

With every piece I helped to design, God took me to the edge of myself. I could feel myself getting anxious once every month as I regularly pondered, “Is this REALLY what this is supposed to sound like?”

The Deep will forever serve as the epitome of this adventure. Early on in 2012, Alison gave me the concept, I wrote something, I sent it to her, and she said, “Try again.” I was devastated for a day, and then I went back to work, but this time with a much more unimaginable prompt and a charge to do something that I had never done before.

It all happened so fast (for me, it usually does). A phone call with Alison while driving to Tahoe, a bunch of scribbled notes on an iPad, a quick lesson on Phrygian mode from wikipedia, and and a couple hours in a warm cabin room later, it was done. 

As I listened to it, I felt like I was on the boat. I knew that I had never written anything like this before. Over the next 8 months, the piece would expand and evolve, and the Spirit of God would take us to new places in our hearts, allowing us to see Jesus and his 4 new fisherman friends in a new way. And then we saw the actual boat, and then the dancing fish, and then we heard the orchestrated music…it almost felt like too much, like the fish were overwhelming our boat.

We were changed, and then we were changed again and again and again.

But, the more it evolved, the harder it became for me to let go. I loved what we made so much, I wanted it to be perfect when we performed it. I wanted it to be just as special for every person who would see it as it was for me and for us. But it didn’t belong to me, or any of us. For God had invited us to create this amazing thing with him so that He could accomplish His work and be glorified: in me, in our team, in students and staff. He had something very special in mind for every person to whom he would give this piece of art. And so, minutes before performing, I let go. I said, “Jesus, this is yours. Thanks for calling me your partner and your friend. This art never belonged to me, and I’m sorry for trying to own it. Help me to partner with you once again.”

And then, nothing but joy. God chooses me to partner with him, to create something that would help to call this generation into sacrificial allegiance to Himself…are you kidding?!

God writes the best stories.